Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Changing Course

I’ll never forget that morning. 

It was 5am and my Blackberry was already convulsing with messages screaming for attention.  I laced up my Asics and headed out of my $49 motel room and into the darkness. It was February 2008 in Lakeland , Florida and it was cold. 

And the rain was pouring. 

But I needed to run. 

I thought the sprint in the darkness would numb the leftover pain from the hostile meetings yesterday and the "food-fight" meets ahead of me today.  On this morning, however, I was unable to outrun the demons that had been drafting me the past two years at this job.  As my stride increased, so did the rain.  I was drenched but didn't care.  As I approached the busy intersection I should have slowed but my stride only increased.  Despite the solid red “Do Not Walk” signal, I continued to run looking neither left nor right. Only straight.  It’s not that I wished to die but simply cared less about living.  It was only upon the return to my dingy motel room that I realized what I had done—or almost done.  It was at that moment, in that motel room, that I decided I had to change course.  

But inertia is a powerful force. 

Whether it’s squirreling cash in a Vanguard IRA, losing 10 pounds of flab to fit the size 32 pants, raising grateful kids, or deciding to quit that unhealthy job, life seems to blow a strong and steady headwind to discourage us from making the course changes we need to make, to arrive at the ports in life we were meant to arrive. 

Other times, however, fate forces our hand and provides a horse-pill sized dose of reality to force us to change course. 

After my run in the rain that February morning, I visited my doctor to obtain a THIRD round of antibiotics after a double dose of walking pneumonia.  On this visit however, my doctor’s prognosis included a word that left a tattoo on my memory:  depression. 

Reality check. 

Big time. 

It has been over four years since that morning run in the rain. 

My decision to change course in my career is a “story in process” so to speak, with, what looks like a  happily-ever-after ending. 

After leaving the big salary, big headache corporate accounting job to take an executive recruiting gig--only to get laid off one year later as the economy flew into a hurricane-- left the nerves and family finances in near ruin. 

But the sun came up again. 

And the dividends of deciding to change course slowly emerged. 

After graduating college over 20 years ago, I can proudly and LOUDLY say I love my job. 

I am at port I was meant to arrive at. 

As a faculty member in the Business Department for a community college in Denver, Colorado. 

I would be a liar if I said that I don’t occasionally feel the urge to turn back to my former life of comfortable misery and snag the big paycheck. 

But by the end of that second cup of Starbucks, I always remember that change requires courage. And am constantly reminded that the time off with the family that a teaching career provides is time I can NEVER buy back. 

Ever. 

I remember a question a friend of mine named Greg once asked: “ which life is fuller, maintaining a life of comfortable misery or pursuing a difficult and perhaps uncertain victory?”  

Two weeks later, Greg quit his job in Denver and joined the Navy to become a chaplain in Iraq. 

I say good luck Greg.   

And thanks for helping me find the courage. 


AMJ

Monday, June 11, 2012

There Are No Theme Parks in Self-Doubt

Self-doubt is a lonely place.

A place you don't want to visit for very long.

An extended stay here is expensive--big time.

It may not cost a lot of money to visit.

But it will certainly bankrupt your energy and motivation.

Self-doubt is a place where you will hear whispers in your head.

Whispers asking nasty questions like "can I really do this?"

These whispers repeat.

Over.

And over.

Trips to self-doubt often occur as you are about to do something big.

Really big.

Like a job interview.

An important sales presentation.

A first marathon.

It seeks to undermine all the energy and hard work you have put forth.

It seeks to convince you that you will fail in your effort.

Or worse...

It will convince you to quit.

Or not begin at all.

So how do we parole ourselves from this mental prison?

There's no magic key--believe me, I've looked.

Instead, I have found only a few simple reminders to help me escape...

Reminders such as:

1.  Reminding myself of the reasons I want to achieve the goal.
2.  Reminding myself that I have put in the required time and work to achieve the goal.
3.  Reminding myself that others with equal (or even lesser ability) have achieved this very same goal.
4.  Reminding myself of previous times where self-doubt crept in--and I succeeded anyway. 

These corny reminders won't stop the trips on the "Self-Doubt Express."

But they can minimize the FREQUENCY and SEVERITY of the trips.

In running, the battle is often won in our head, BEFORE it is won on the track.

I have found this to be true in most other endeavors.

So the next time you find your confidence shaking...

And your mind wandering towards the train to self doubt...

I say start walking to another train.

A train going to a better location.

And leave behind the train to self-doubt.

Because you have already been there..

And it's not worth a second trip.

AMJ

Monday, June 4, 2012

The Shared Miles are the Best Miles

I ran the Bolder Boulder 10k with my 12-year old son last week.

It was his first road race.

And it was great.

Nothing like watching your 12-year old finish a 6.2 mile race in a stadium with 30,000+ people congratulating you for a job well done.

While standing in line for the our post-race bag of goodies, my son, Alec, told me he thought the race was "easy."  And that he wanted to run the Georgetown to Idaho Springs Half Marathon together this August.

Whoa.

I was blown away.

I thought he viewed his dad lacing up every morning as some kind of alien ritual. Akin to doing algebra homework on Saturday morning. 

I thought he found the Monday and Thursday Bolder Boulder training runs with his 7th grade classmates as drudgery.

I feared the Bolder Boulder would be his one and ONLY race.

I was wrong.

And glad I was wrong.

Watching him train for, and complete this race was a reminder that sometimes, just sometimes, the parenting gods throw us clueless moms and dads a bone.

A reminder that our kids do indeed take to heart and model at least SOME of the good things we try and impart on them.

Unfortunately, our kids rarely TELL us we are influencing them in a positive way.  We parents have to figure that out for ourselves.

In between all our failings.

Failings that are certainly noticed.

And unfortunately taken to heart as well.

That race reminded me of something else:

Achieving big goals and pushing beyond what you thought was possible feels great.

But helping SOMEONE ELSE achieve big goals and helping SOMEONE ELSE push beyond what they thought was possible feels even greater.

And yields greater results.

I have found this to be true when building a great team at work.

Or building great kids at home.

It's not easy.

You make a lot of mistakes--and I mean a lot.

But if you persevere.

And strive to do the right thing for your team, and your kids...

And strive to be CONSISTENT in being a positive influence...

Slowly, slowly, positive results ensue.

Often when you least expect them.

So tomorrow morning I will lace up for my morning run.

It's Summer time, thus, the sun will be up.

I won't be alone though.

Alec is coming with me.

We'll probably run four...maybe five miles.

Just like we did yesterday.

He says he enjoys the miles.

I do to.

It's a good thing...

We have some training to do.

Georgetown to Idaho Springs is a long way.

AMJ